she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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