she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
