You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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