I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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