you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
