She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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