i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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