id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
