i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
