Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
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