Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
