Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
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