i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
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I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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