did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
