I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
