His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
