I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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