Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
