What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
