I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
