So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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