You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
