is your mom at the bar?
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Randomize
