plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
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I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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