Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Randomize
