I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Yo dont text me then not text me
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
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