I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
