Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Randomize
