You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
do herpes really smell.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Randomize
