This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
