I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
