So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Randomize
