im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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