I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Randomize
