I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
