I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
