Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
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