Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
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he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
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I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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