the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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