i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
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then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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