When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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