either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
