the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
