Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
