I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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