yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
