I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
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