if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
