I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
The struggles of a small town man whore
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
