You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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