i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
