Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
