Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
