hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Randomize
