I showed him my bush... on skype.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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