Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
