dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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