peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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