So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
