My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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