the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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