Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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