Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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