Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
